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Ordinary Eternal Machinery

by Nathan Leigh

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1.
we were dancing on a saturday it was a fine weekend to celebrate we’d made it through the winter without any place to stay salute one finger to the boys in blue shoulda known what they were gonna do: shoulda seen that long arm coming down to split normalcy in two now i know i will never be normal we shout FTP, ACAB i found myself a wheezing banshee howling obscenities towards an enemy i couldn’t even see and each night i’m dreaming of the first with each rehearsal it gets worse now i barely sleep at all ain’t got no charm to break the curse now i know i will never be normal let’s drop the metaphors the open talk of war unsettled scores some scars are simply real and i’ve got 3 or 4 one on my back, two on my side one busted lung and battered pride and i won’t hide it for decorum’s sake no i’m not ashamed i tried you’ll find me dancing every saturday until they take my life away even though i know i will never be normal
2.
i have spent my last 5 dollars more times than i can even count and half the time those last 5 dollars were wasted on another round that’s not to say i’ve got a problem, in fact i think i’m doing fine i just don’t wanna be myself tonight well it used to be if you wanted to kill someone, you had to look them in the eye that’s a weird thing to be nostalgic for i guess, i don’t know why and the paint’s been peeling off the wall since summer 1929 every slum is someone’s home and every slumlord’s kids will probably be just fine the landlord gave us 10 days notice, got 2 weeks from the one before the fact that they can’t do that’s something we’re expected to ignore in 2 years i lived 13 places, spent lots of nights inside my car you always said you thought that i’d go far but it used to be if you wanted to kill someone, you had to look them in the eye that’s a weird thing to be nostalgic for i guess, i don’t know why and the paint’s been peeling off the wall since summer 1979 every slum is someone’s home and every slumlord’s kids will probably be just fine then you respond to black lives matter with a question of their worth well what entitled you to the privilege you were handed out at birth don’t quote MLK when you spit your hate for Assata Shakur i’m sure you’re just doing your best but you know no-one’s all that impressed it used to be if you wanted to kill someone, you had to look them in the eye that’s a weird thing to be nostalgic for i guess, i don’t know why and the paint’s been slowly peeling off the wall since summer 1999 every slum is someone’s home and every slumlord’s kids will probably be just fine
3.
i sold my soul for some comic books and a box of old cassettes i got a tape deck in my minivan so i got no regrets and jews don’t believe in heaven and we don’t believe in hell so i’ll be fine so if you’ve got the goods then i’ve got the gumption i think we’ll commit the perfect crime and i drove out west and i drove back east and i drove myself insane cause i can’t do nothing about california, no i can’t make it rain and i’m pretty good at fixing stuff but there are some things i can never fix so i’ve narrowed down my list to 20 things i’d wish for if i had one wish they say everything falls apart before it fits back together again stars explode and planets die almost every single day just a flash of light in the summer sky a billion miles away and billion’s such a massive number that i can’t comprehend the loss of life instead i get upset each time they kill someone on game of thrones i like but everything falls apart before it fits back together again i resign my post in the folk singer’s club cause i like minor threat more than mumford and sons and i was raised in comfort and plenty not in appalachia in the 20’s but it’s so much more romantic to sing about closing the mill than being shitcanned from the walmart they say everything falls apart before it fits back together again
4.
she waits for a change, a change in the weather next year i swear i’ll be somebody better i got ideas, i got ambitions just gotta get through the week oh, the things that we do to survive now mike’s got a kid, jane’s got a habit he shoots, she scores anything just to manage and i got some pills, don’t call it a problem just something to deal with the pain oh, the things that we do to survive oh, the things that we do to stay high it’s 3 months till june, 6 till september this time next year i’ll be somebody better cause i’ve got ideas, i got ambitions i just gotta get through the day oh, the things that we do to survive oh, the things that we do to stay high
5.
people try to put us down the economy's burned to the ground my car is broke and i am too i hope i die before my loans come due “Hence the workers' struggle against the machinery. What was the living worker's activity becomes the activity of the machine. Thus the appropriation of labour by capital confronts the worker in a coarsely sensuous orm; capital absorbs labour into itself 'as though its body were by love possessed.'” - The Grundrisse, Karl Marx
6.
now we are young, we can be anything anything at all four years of school majored in alcohol when the loans come due what are we to do? I don’t know <chorus> so thanks for nothing, emmet brown we were promised homes up in the stars so thanks for nothing, emmet brown we were promised robots and flying cars this future was supposed to be all ours </chorus> now we’re in love, let’s build ourselves a home a little place to call our own it won’t cost too much and what’s another loan? when the rain breaks through what are we to do? i don’t know <chorus> our house is a very very very fine house with flooding in the yard oh no-one said it’d be this hard our house is a very very very fine house got a mortgage from the bank don’t own the oil in the tank when the bills come due how will we make it through? <chorus>
7.
i was a young man and impatient i wouldn’t wait i wanted to hold the whole world in the palm of my hand i couldn’t wait all i was handed, i took for granted i wouldn’t wait nothing ever lived up to the life that i’d planned i couldn’t wait <chorus> i had the world in the palm of my hand i let it slip through my fingers nothing goes how you plan so i figure i’ll learn to wait </chorus> now i’m older but no wiser i still don’t wait no i don’t take my time, and i won’t compromise i won’t wait all my friends and all my family well they can wait they seem happy and i know i can be if i just wait <chorus> so i’m lost now, but i know somehow if i wait i’ve always survived, and i’ve always been found so i’ll wait cause i’ve known darkness and i’ve known sickness i know i can wait oh i’ll wait for redemption and i’ll wait for forgiveness i’ll wait <chorus>
8.
it's a long road between where i am and where i wanna be and i don't know if i'll ever make it so keep your eyes closed do you see the man that you wanna see? if you still don't maybe i can fake it <chorus> i am the mess in this mirror i am this frozen landscape i am my doubt and my fear but someday i swear i'll escape this place </chorus> let slip our anchors let the ocean carry us away from here where it don't hurt and where we're not haunted and it's my curse my lot is wanderlust and fear and it's all yours honey if you want it <chorus> i am the salt in this water i am foundations of sand i am the beaches in winter but i'm doing the best that i can i am the lighthouse in the harbor i have no keeper or purpose but i am the ice frozen river there's life just beneath the surface <chorus>
9.
dear mom and dad i hope you're glad you paid for me to study theatre are you impressed with how much shakespeare i can quote? and no i still can't change a tire but i was grateful to be required to read every word that chekov ever wrote so let's take a bow all that i know how is to lie like an actor and fake through a disaster <chorus> we are a generation lost in space i hope we're not a hopeless case no matter what the papers say we are a revolution biding time waiting till the time is right but i know we can ignite </chorus> there was a time i was inclined to see myself as something special i was pretty sure that i would make a change but my songs of revolution end in fade outs and confusion turns out i never really had that much to say so let's join the march and don't take to heart when they tell you it's useless they just wish that they could do this <chorus> to all my friends i can't pretend that i have always been the best one i know i have been a ghost from time to time i won't make up some excuse consider this my iou i've got your backs i know that you've always had mine and if looking back all i ever had are the people that surround me i'll be grateful you all found me <chorus>
10.
Kol Nidrei 05:12
i was 26 when i realized that i didn’t have a clue where the hell i was going or what i was gonna do cause i know we’re all one body i wanna be the most useful part but i can’t decide between the head, the hands, the lungs and heart so i choose nothing i always choose nothing they say you can’t take nothing with you when you go so i won’t take nothing with me anymore so i drove around new brunswick on a tuesday afternoon searching for a basement that i think that i once knew i don’t remember what it looked like i just remember how it felt wishing that this too too sullied flesh somehow could melt and i still wish that half the time they say you can’t take nothing with you when you go so i won’t take nothing with me anymore and the words got stuck in the back of my throat i was hoping somebody else would know the things i wanted to say so i wouldn’t have to speak myself cause they say there’s a time to speak and a time to listen there are times to fight and a time to give in there are times i think i’ve got it together and times i think that i might live forever then there’s times that there’s a pain in my chest screaming “don’t kid yourself kid, you’ve gotta rest” for that the nypd ain’t got nothing on you honey and the last great modern romance ends with a whimper, not a bang and the feeling it was never quite as great as i once sang i don’t think of you that often but when i do i start to weep for the 15 years i wasted trying to be who you want me to be but i forgive you and i forgive me i don’t care if you forgive me they say you can’t take nothing with you when you go so i won’t take nothing with me anymore כָּל נִדְרֵי, וֶאֱסָרֵי, וּשְבוּעֵי, וַחֲרָמֵי, וְקוֹנָמֵי, וְקִנוּסֵי, וְכִנוּיֵי, דִנְדַרְנָא, וּדְאִשְתַּבַּעְנָא, וּדְאַחֲרִמְנָא וּדְאָסָרְנָא עַל נַפְשָׁתָנָא. (מִיוֹם כִּפּוּרִים שֶׁעָבַר עַד יוֹם כִּפּוּרִים זֶה, וּ) מִיוֹם כִּפּוּרִם זֶה עַד יוֹם כִּפּוּרִים הַבָּא עָלֵינוּ לְטוֹבָה. בְּכֻלְהוֹן אִחֲרַטְנָא בְהוֹן. כֻּלְהוֹן יְהוֹן שָׁרָן, שְׁבִיקין, שְׁבִיתִין, בְּטֵלִן וּמְבֻטָלִין, לָא שְׁרִירִין, וְלָא קַיָמִין, נִדְרָנָא לָא נִדְרֵי, וֶאֱסָרָנָא לָא אֱסָרֵי, וּשְׁבוּעָתָנָא לָא שְׁבוּעוֹת.
11.
it's a long day you’re waiting for a phone call that you know will never come you're a freeway they're the sun play it off cool like everything is turning out exactly how you planned make your own rules don't give a damn what they say <chorus> you're waiting for an answer to a question that you asked when you were young and fearless you're a poet and a dancer you're a statue you are grace and so you wait </chorus> it's a hard game it’s like everyone except for you has memorized the rules and you don't play the way they do so you watch, wait, and try to make yourself a puzzle piece to fit inside the hole but you’re the wrong shape and you know what they'll say <chorus> oh everybody knows something that you don't and everything is wrong cause you still don't belong here so you try to find a place where you can simply just exist where the sky's clear and you'll be missed but you're a nomad and the ground beneath your feet’s the only comfort you will know until you look past the open road and hold fast <chorus> you're waiting for a sign somehow to finally settle down and so you wait you're waiting for the day to come when you won't try to run and so you wait
12.
the problem is that we all think we know just what the problem is if you go and look for answers, the first thing you find’s bound to look like it and eli, eli i wish for once that you could just exist right now i don’t think i believe in much of anything there we were waiting for the rain to come, but none of us could see that we were the rain and i was choking back my tears in hopes that nobody would see that i was crying while you were watching all that spectacle you didn’t notice people dying and i pray st. audre lorde that your words won’t be ignored there’s barely room upon this altar for the names of all the martyred there we were waiting for the rain to come, but none of us could see that we were the rain it was the summer of my discontent and i don’t know where it went it’s just it was the first year that i didn’t see the mountains and i’d like to think that in the end we did more than just pretend but all those things we did, well i have my doubts about them there we were waiting for the rain to come, but none of us could see that we were the rain
13.
Carl Sagan 04:49
i can't help but wonder if the stars we're hanging under are full of life as lost as you and i is our sun part of some constellation does it guide them to their destinations does it tell the story of gods and days gone by? god bless you carl sagan or whatever you have faith in you're the only one of us who'll never die there's a golden record getting further every second a requiem for apes who learned to fly who will write?
14.
is this a prison or hospital? they don't seem concerned with recovery i don't think i'll ever make it home been here so long i don't recall the window view from old plymouth county is the only sight i feel like i've ever known just don't let them forget my name while i'm away <chorus> i'll be here when sun turns to winter i'll be here when years dry the rivers i'll be here when gates turn to rust ash to ash and dust turns to dust when there's no-one left who remembers bring my bones to the land of my fathers lay me down in the ground where i'm from and i won't regret that i've come and don't forget my name while i'm away </chorus> tell my family i'm doing fine i'm so busy i got no time to write america has been so good to me when i'm well again i'll send a line to let them know i'm really all right just keep this lie alive until i'm free and don't let them forget my name while i'm away <chorus> dear nurse, dear warden please let me go i can't sleep at all from the coughing send me somewhere far away from here dear nurse, dear warden please send me home i don't understand what you're saying no-one wants to die and disappear don't let them forget my name while i'm away <chorus>
15.
let’s fade out on the great man myth of history the carefully constructed biographies the fashionably redacted sympathies and the fantasy that they’re everything we can’t be cause i’ll never forget the time that i realized that lots of the things in my history textbooks are wrong and i’ll never forget the time that i realized there’s more than a little hypocrisy in beatles songs <chorus> cause john lennon beat his wife and woody guthrie was a racist and public enemy don’t care much at all for jews and i don’t know what’s right can i defend their work as artists? and if i had to, i don’t know how i’d choose cause most of my heroes are pretty damn problematic </chorus> i like to pretend bowie never was obsessed with nazis cause there aren’t many male bi role models and we need more male bi role models and i even forgive him for tin machine being lazy and he says he regrets the things that he said back in 76 and man cocaine’s one hell of a drug and i don’t know if that’s a good enough fix but i know i’m complicit in sweeping it under the rug <chorus> when jefferson said all men were created equal he owned other men as property his whole fortune was built on slavery so let’s not pretend our history’s all that simple cause few of us live up to the things that we stand for even ian mackaye said some pretty dumb shit as a kid and if he can’t live up to the things that he stands for does that invalidate all of the good things that fugazi did? <chorus>
16.
i drove 20,000 miles just to find my way back home and the only thing i’ve learned is to admit what i don’t know and for every single place i’ve been there’s still a million left to go so let me go to the places that i’ve never been before just let me go, i don’t know who i am or what i’m fighting for let me go, when i’ve got no place to rest my head i’ll remember what the ghost said i spent money i don’t have on shit that i don’t need to prove to people i don’t like that i’m who they think i should be there must be something more to life at least there must be more to me so let me go to the places that i’ve never been before just let me go, i don’t know who i am or what i’m fighting for let me go, when i’ve got no place to rest my head i’ll remember what the ghost said i’ll remember what she said she said nothing will ever be as bad as it seems when your skies turn grey nothing will ever be as good as it seems on your best day all these rituals and habits these daily routines just the flesh in this ordinary eternal machine we are dust, we are stars and we are everything in between so let me go to the places that i’ve never been before just let me go, i don’t know who i am or what i’m fighting for let me go, when i’ve got no place to rest my head i’ll remember what the ghost said i’ll remember what she said she said nothing will ever be as bad as it seems when your skies turn grey nothing will ever be as good as it seems on your best day
17.
Atom Smasher 03:41
welcome to the chain reaction the choices that we make and this is just the same attraction our molecules create and then you’re standing on the interstate flagging down a tow truck thinking my god must’ve hit a spot of bad luck how did i get here? how do i walk away? it’s the atom smasher sometimes i am ashamed for thinking that nothing really changes here except the names and faces and what we’re told to fear and then i’m digging in my pockets i’m searching for a few bucks to bail me out of this mess and buy myself some good luck how did i get here? i wish i could walk away from the atom smasher i didn’t mean to be born here it just kinda happened i didn’t mean to be broken it’s just how it was i didn’t mean to get stuck here it just kinda happened someday i swear i’ll escape this place it’s a long road between where i am and where i wanna be and i don’t know if i’ll ever make it it’s the atom smasher
18.
the ghosts are screaming in the attic and i ignore it out of habit it doesn't mean that they're not there and i am hoping you don’t hear it i'm hoping you will think i'm fearless it doesn't mean that i'm not scared and i can't say for sure that i won't be haunted anymore fill in the black marks on the x-ray with all things i think i should say it doesn't mean i'm gonna say it so come on talk a little louder drown out the silence and the doubt it doesn't mean it goes away and i can't say for sure that i won't be haunted anymore and all the outlines that we've drawn out on the sidewalk filled in with our failed attempts at small talk "i'm doing fine" comes out automatic the ghosts are screaming in the attic but no, i'm gonna pick myself up off the floor i won't be haunted anymore

about

Recorded between February 2014 and June 2016 in Cape Cod, Brooklyn, Boston, Kalamazoo, Columbus, and New Orleans. It's an album about getting lost and finding your way again.


The price is "name your own" but we request that you pay whatever you make in an hour. If you are a student or unemployed, please take it for free.

credits

released May 19, 2017

Nathan Leigh - Vocals, Guitars, Banjo, Bass, Drums, Piano, Clarinet
Rikki Bates - Drums (#2, #9)
Cherno Biko - Vocals (#12)
Jason Brunet - Washboard (#6, #15)
Anthony Cekay - Tenor Sax
John Cooperider - Organ, Bass (#15)
Deb Douglas - Bass Clarinet
Joel Esher - Piano (#2, #8, #10, #18)
Ris Gumpert - Percussion, Backing Vocals (#3, #8 #17)
James Ikeda - Vocals (#15)
Sol Israel - Drums (#3, #17)
Aline Kovacs - Sewing Machine (#2)
Tom Liedenfrost - Accordion
Joe McDonough - Trombone
Phil Murphy - Bassoon, Flute
Ellen Osuna - Djembe
Victor Pachas - Lead guitar (#3), Drums (#2, #17)
Alicia Rau - Trumpet
Ethan Rubin - Violin
Dennis Shafer - Bari Sax, Alto Sax, Flute
Drew Vanderburg - Clarinet (#8, #10, #18)
Chelsea Wolf - Vocals (#4, #9, #16, #17, #18)
Vishnu - Various Chicken Noises
Steve Yankou - Cello

Vocal Ensemble:
James Barry
Alan Bounville
CJ Holm
Morgan Jenness
Jon Kovach
Nicole Orabona
Christopher Timson

Additional vocal samples from AFROPUNK interview with Bill Withers (Sept 2015)

All songs written and produced by Nathan Leigh
Mastered by Ted Gabbard at Ted's Friends
Artwork by Alma Sheppard-Matsuo

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Nathan Leigh Brooklyn, New York

guitars, synths, orchestra, and suitcases

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